Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
