I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
