I didn't shave. On purpose
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
