ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
