The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
