My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
