Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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