i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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