what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
