I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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