nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
