So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
