I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
