is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
