Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
