I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
