Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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