ugly people sure do ruin things
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
