you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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