having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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