Already got asked if we're dating
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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