I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
