sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
