just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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