You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
