If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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