He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
