Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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