OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
