He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
