There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
