Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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