I just pynch a tree in the face
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
