He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
