I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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