The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
