3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
