Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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