you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm like, not good at living.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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