I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Randomize
