apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
