so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
