just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
