i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
