I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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