***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
This girl is more easily done than said...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
