I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
