We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
