my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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