Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
