Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
