you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
